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Matthew Hunter Welsh |
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Breakfast of Champions |
Usually for someone to put their balls on your shoulder, you have to be sitting down. Matt routinely lays his sack on the shoulders of opponents at the height of their jump. Welsh is surprisingly normal considering he is the son of two actuarial scientists. He's got a black belt in karate, so he'll kung fu your ass if you hit on his high school girlfriend. The team remains ambivalent on the morality of Welsh's prep girlfriend. But we all suppose that we play on Huff in the winter, and there's hardly any grass on that field either. When he's not bullying teammates, Welsh spends his time weaving baskets, playing the bugle, and carving wooden figurines with his official Boy Scouts of America pocket knife. He's already a highly decorated Eagle Scout, and he needs just three more merit badges for the silver palm. The hairy palm he has won several times over. He's a perfectionist, and a huge pussy. Oh yeah, and his sister is hot. Height: 3 JR's |
