| Matthew Charles Stupca | |
 Where's the bacon? |
 it's on me, bitches. |
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Ever wonder what it would be like to completely waste four years of ultimate eligibility? Just ask Matt Stupca. Stupes, or Stooteys as Eric would say, spent his ultimate prime on a team called Carpe Discus at the Rose Hulman Institute of Techno-dorks. It is here where Stupca learned the basic skills necessary to function in the real world by carrying around a high-powered backpack computer with him like the other Rose students. On the super-portable supercomputer Stupca recalls, “It was a 233 MHz piece of shit.” Our Kevin Bacon look-alike wasn’t a perfect fit for Rose as he spent many nights sneaking out of the secluded community with his fellow nerds. Most of these escapades were cut short though since the Indiana girls primarily targeted guys with at least a PIII. At Illinois, Stupca also lives a secret life, requiring special invitations to hang out with the team. Most of his alone time is either spent naked in front of a mirror or wondering how to explain to the rest of us why being a physics TA requires missing ultimate tournaments. In his graduate Physics program, Matt is specializing in condensed matter. One day he hopes to be able to clear the condensed matter trapped in his sinus passages that make him sound like a dying elephant. Stupca has an unhealthy obsession with cleats and once puked after an ultimate tournament in Tennessee.
Height: 6'0" |
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