yikes
Ht. 5'9"
Wt. 96 lbs (without fake tooth)
Nicknames: squishy, baldy, toothy
Patented Move: The two handed backhand fake (or not fake)
Quote: "Guys, I swear that's my girlfriend and not just someone I pay"
| Brian Arthur Schmidt | |
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yikes |
More annoying than a red-headed step-child, less annoying than Dave Swedler, Schmidty is another useless lefty on the team. Although he has quite an incredible backhand huck, his forehand huck is more worthless than Dave's sister and can mow a lawn better than Hector and six latinos. After sky-ing 5-year veteran, 2002 Illinois MVP, and current coach
Xi Xia, rumors began to spread. Xi Xia recalls, "Ya see...he's a lefty, so when a disc is floating from right to left, he has an inherent advantage. Plus, he's taller... and he has +20 Dexterity!" Plus 20!?!? A complaint is currently under review with Regional Dungeon Master Zill. The only thing that overshadows Schmidty's ultimate skills is his annoying and undying interest in Illinois athletics. Rivaled only by resident townie/white trash Nick McDuffee, Schmidty's love for sports that he does not play nor will ever play is stupid. On his cell during long rides to tournaments, he claims to be talking to his 'girlfriend,' but we all know that he's just getting an update on our men's underwater hockey draft or our women's dodgeball tournament. No one knows exactly how much Schmidty pays that aspiring internet film actress to play his girlfriend at ultimate events, but it is obvious that she is way too hot for him. When you're ready for a real man, call up Josh Ream at 398-2162.
Ht. 5'9" |