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Nels is not sponsored. Although
he should be; a proud poster child for Norway
and Portland
alike, Nels is the man least likely to get tired.
His place on the team is being challenged by Joel; who is equally as fast,
enthusiastic and twice as holy. Nels indirectly
supports the exploitation of Southeast
Asian street children with his endless parade of
Nike apparel. His hair is getting cooler every day, and one day the trizacks of Hendrick Hizouse are going to wake up and realize that the S.S. Nels don't be pickin up no stank be-itches. Modeling his life after the late Steve
Prefontaine, Nels does alot of heavy drinking and subsequent driving, even
though he has no car. The only long not prone to plaid-jumpered,
school-girl-like injuries to his panties, Nels is
sure to be a big factor in our offense for several years to come; unless he
is deported. Everyone assumes Nels doesn't bring
home the pooner because of his ambiguous
affiliation with Krang, but his boyish good looks
outweigh Krang's childish good looks, (not to
mention the seductive factor of his countless volumes of poetry) and we are
sure he will make us proud this year.
Height: 5'11"
Weight: More than Joel, less than Joe.
Songs: stored on laptop, downloaded from Krissy's
awesome MP3 palace
Quotable Quotes: "And then I thought to myself...Would Pre be
tired?!!!"
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