| Samuel Hollis Jennings | |
  "I have to pee so bad I'm storing it in my penis" |
 "Ruff, That really hurt Sam" |
|
Sam is the most prepared man you'll ever meet. Carrying around a first-aid kit
that rivals the supply rooms at most hospitals, he has quickly become the doctor of the team. Sam has helped
artificially inseminate a poodle who didn't want to do it the old fashioned way. For this reason, Sam is an
inspiration to us all, especially for those of us who spent high school dreaming about finely clipped poodle
muff. Regarding the poodle incident, Sam solemnly recalls, "I ended up having to hold her head still so the
doctor could jab the syringe of freshly collected poodle spunk into her hooha. So in a way, I'm a dog rapist."
We couldn't be prouder. Bestiality isn't the only thing Sam enjoys. He also likes to get sloppy drunk off
expensive wines so he can curse people in his alternately French or Irish accent. It has recently been
discovered that it is Sam's goal to tongue kiss everyone on the team. Sam enjoys a good table top as much
as the next man, but he may express this appreciation by trying to rip Keith's ding dong off in a perfect
square. When Sam's not fucking animals, he's eating them. His only aspiration in life is to eat an entire
buffalo. We're rooting for you Sam.
Height: 18.25 hands |